My Approach

So it turns out that what we have learned about the brain from modern neuroscience is completely compatible with the ancient teachings of Buddhist psychology. Mindfulness is really a state of psychological homeostasis – a balanced state of mind that is neither excited nor depressed, concerned with neither the future nor the past, but rather fully available to input from both the world around us and the inner world of our body and our senses. This state is optimal for the functioning of our brain, as well as our organs, muscles, body systems, and cells. This is what we mean by wellbeing. There still may be pain and distress, but we are not consumed by it or swept away by it, and hence much better able to navigate the challenges of the situation. Using tools and insights from these two sources, we can become more aware of the patterns of thinking, reacting, and relating that are pulling us away from this balanced state, and learn to spend more of our time feeling calm and happy.

The brain’s job is to ensure our survival. It does this by integrating the information from the outer world of our environment – such as threats and opportunities, with information from the inner world of our body – such as our need for water or rest. Because there are many events occurring at any given time, both out in the world and within our complex body systems, the brain must direct our energy and attention to those that are most important to our survival. It does this by prioritizing emotion.

What that means is that we pay attention to, and respond to, the thing or event that has the biggest charge on it – positive or negative. For the brain, it’s pretty simple – we either want it or we’re afraid of it. If we want it, there’s a positive charge on it, and if we’re afraid of it, there’s a negative charge on it. If there’s no emotional charge on it, or if something else has a bigger charge, we don’t notice it. (This is why you can’t find your keys – but more about that later.)

Here’s an example: Imagine that you’ve come in to the kitchen and you’re starving – you haven’t eaten all day. You remember that your favorite sandwich is in the fridge, and you set it up on a plate and sit down to eat. The sandwich has a big positive charge on it – you can’t wait to chow down – and nothing else is on your mind. You don’t even look to see who just texted. Just then, you hear a loud noise behind you, and you turn around and see that a bear has come through the door. Suddenly, there is no sandwich. Your full attention is on the other door, leading out of the kitchen (hopefully there is on), and your only response is to jump out of your chair and get there as quickly as you can. Your brain has redirected your attention from the sandwich to the bear event, because the bear event has a bigger (negative) emotional charge on it (fear!) than the sandwich.

When our thoughts are emotionally charged, we cannot pay attention to what is going on around us. Our brain cannot effectively balance the input from our inner and outer worlds. It prioritizes our thoughts, even though our thoughts are the product of our mind, and may not reflect a real threat or a real opportunity. Our thoughts more often concern worries about the future or regrets about the past. When our minds generate a constant stream of anxious or angry or regretful thoughts, we are not really present, we don’t notice and therefore don’t remember where we put something or what someone said to us or what it is we were supposed to do.

What I mean is this – when we are in an emotional state and we try to think, or have a conversation, or blast an email, we can only find thoughts or ideas that are consistent with that emotion. When we are angry and we think about what made us angry, we can only come up with angry thoughts. We can only do a “selective search” of the information in our memory. These angry thoughts create more anger, which triggers more angry thoughts or conversations (even imaginary conversations), which create more anger, and so on. We are caught in a loop, a very “sticky” loop, compulsively hyper-focusing on the pain. Not fun. Not helpful. Not necessary. Similarly when we are feeling very down or discouraged, or very worried about something.

Much of time, in our complex modern culture, we live in our heads. We have developed a way of life that is overloaded with information, choices, and worries. We live in the abstract – thinking instead of doing, anticipating instead of exploring and discovering. The reward centers in our brain are wired to respond to accomplishment, to engagement in the simple, daily activities of caring and providing for ourselves and others. The brain prioritizes emotion – positive and negative. We either want it or we’re afraid of it. Fear protects us from harm, but joy enables us to get what we need. We are motivated by and rewarded for seeking warmth, love, beauty, rest, good food.

Living in our head, focused on the thoughts and images our minds create, we are not living in the real world. We are living in the past and in the future, and missing our opportunity to engage with the people around us, to enjoy the sights and sounds of our environment. Our thoughts are the creation of our mind, only our direct experience is real. Learning to live more often in the present moment, to get out of our head and into our senses, we can reduce our suffering and increase our joy. We can cultivate our wellbeing.

The first step is to turn your attention to your breath. (You didn’t notice you were breathing ’til I said that, did you?;) Relax, close your eyes, and turn your attention to your breath. Follow your inbreath – the air coming in through your nose and traveling into your lungs, expanding your ribs. Follow it all the way in and stay with it as it turns around and becomes an outbreath. Then follow this air all the way out, noticing when it again becomes an inbreath. Do this for three cycles, trying to keep your attention on your breath. You don’t have to do anything with your breath, like breath deeply or hold your breath or anything. Just enjoy the simple pleasure of breathing. Perhaps you will feel relaxed. Perhaps you will smile a little. If thoughts arise (they will!) that is fine, just notice them but don’t follow them. Return your attention to your breath.

This is a powerful tool. I call it “three breaths.” You can use it any time to calm and comfort yourself. It will help you to stop thinking and worrying all the time, while you’re doing everything else. We live in our heads, in the grip of the nonstop soundtrack of our mind. It’s like there is a computer program running in the background, sapping our emotional energy. When you follow your breath you unite your mind and your body, you get out of your head and into your body. When you enter the present moment, you feel more solid, less scattered. Whatever thoughts were tormenting you are silenced, at least for a moment. Knowing that this is possible, that you can turn your attention to your breath and feel relief, is already a comfort. With practice, this becomes a part of your life, and it can change your life. Insights come, choices reveal themselves, opportunities appear. I have seen it many times. I hope you try it!